Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
