you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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