i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
