when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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