You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
