nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
