yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
