How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
