I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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