Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
