Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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