I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
