Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
