He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
