i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
