if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
