3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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