Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
