guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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