Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
