the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
from now on my penis is your penis
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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