Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
