her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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