puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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