What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
