My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
