Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
