This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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