I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
