How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
