why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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