At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
