Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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