He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
