he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
