I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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