I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
