ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
