I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
