I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We need to get me chipped asap
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
