I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
