I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
