I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
