I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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