420 ftw
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
