but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
