Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
