please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
