my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I supernannyed him into submission
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
