i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
