just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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