How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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